Thursday, May 23, 2013

The NIGHT of the BAT

Imagine if you will a cool rainy night in May. The sounds of a small city, amplified by the damp air, drifting through your open window. Sleep evades you until well after the Witching Hour. You finally drift off but awaken at 2:46 AM hungry and in need of a pee. Yogurt, potty and back to bed. Thankfully sleep visits quickly this time.

4:09 AM- you awake again , not sure why. Suddenly something whizzes by your face! You watch in horror as a small fluttering figure circles the room, barely visible in the gloom, and you remember the words of your friend..."HERE THERE BE BATS!"

We were talking about mosquitoes when the subject came up. "No mosquitoes here, the bats keep them down and oh ,by the way, they get into the house. Is that going to be a problem for you?" Wait...what?

I guess I really didn't believe her. I had never seen a bat in a house (I did see one in a Catholic Church once during a funeral but that's another story). She even showed me THE BAT NET once while we were watching Dancing With the Stars. THE BAT NET is a large fishing net she uses to capture the naughty the naughty bats that dare come in. She releases them back into the wilds here in beautiful Danville IL (ha!) so they can continue to keep us fairly mosquito free.

 I watched the bat fly around and around until it spiraled into the ceiling fan and was thrown with a thud against the closet door.

"Good- I hope it stays down."

It didn't.

It fluttered and flopped and resumed it's endless circling, coming way too close to me for comfort. I knew I should just get up and go get THE BAT NET but being the little girl that I am I just laid there and quietly FREAKED OUT. I covered up completely with the sheet and Grandma Inez's yellow quilt and promptly had a hot flash. Great, terrific, wonderful. I waited it out then got chilled from the evaporating sweat. Lovely, just freaking perfect.The bat now seemed to be trying to escape, (how did you get in here anyway? I need to know!!) and was making a racket louder than would allow me to ever get back to sleep. I put a pillow over my head to try to drown out the noise because I didn't want to expose my arm long enough to reach for the ear plugs on the nightstand. It didn't help. I braved exposure long enough to turn the window fan on, half for the white noise and half in hopes it would frighten the creature downstairs. I got so cold I had to sit up and find the other quilt. I had just settled back down when....


OK where is it? Kitchen, stairway, bathroom? Oh crap what if it's in the bathroom? I NEED TO PEE AGAIN!

15 more agonizing minutes, no BAT NOISES. Oh hell, I might as well get up. No sense in peeing the bed and having to deal with that mess.. The sun is coming up and I can see pretty well but I flipped the bathroom light on anyway and peered inside. NO BAT- YAY!

Did my thing and crept into the kitchen to make coffee- NO BAT YAY!

remembered I was cold and went to get my robe from off the back of the bedroom door and THERE IT WAS hanging in the corner...silent...motionless...UGLY!!!!

It's still there. I'm too exhausted to go o get THE BAT NET.